december 13, 2013 pierced the sound of gunshots and fire alarms into my perspective thinking indefinitely. as a victim of a high school shooting, i am still mourning and healing from the most traumatic event i have ever experienced. i am only one among 2,000 students and faculty who found refuge in dusty, cold corners and dark silence on this horrifying afternoon, and only one among millions whose stories are redefined by unnecessary, malicious, and brutal violence.
meet PTSD:
this is 3 days time, 3 months time, 3 years time--it still hurts. this is jumping at door slams, blaring fire alarms, lockdown, lockdown, lockdown, on repeat. this is an interruption, a distraction. a follower, lurker, slithery, sneaky, rotten thread of thinking, this is a throat clenching reminder of a traumatic event, triggered by present stimulation.
society lives in horrifying, disgusting, disturbing, and insensitive news stories which glorify traumatic events to the point where it is inhumane. for us watching, we can only sympathize for a moment before unanswered texts and the evening's to do's demand our attention. for us affected, we carry the burden that most think of once, all the time. over time, we accumulate microscopic revelations like "i wish things were different," "that's so awful," "i can't believe what the world has come to," and "this needs to be stopped," yet, more and more frequently, our world watches mass shootings live, feels the burden of suicide, and more and more people are feeling the disgusting pain of PTSD. it's unbearable, at times, to feel the weight of the world alone. as people, as lovers, as creators, we cannot leave our revelations in the past, we must tune our hearts to be constantly aware of others, and not ourselves. we must comfort, love, and sympathize because someone else's internal battle is invisible unless we inquire. should not hate on, discriminate, bully, ignore, or glorify brokenness. we should not support or ignore violence. we must rid the world of its motivation to destroy by spreading constant love.
PTSD does not expect those unaffected to understand, it does not ask for attention or seek gratification. PTSD seeks gentleness, awareness, and mindfulness in: "are you okay, today?" "what do you need from me?" "i'm here for you" this is community and open hearts. this is a permanent baggage, but it does not define or confine us. we have the power, authority, and right to live in peace, strength, and joy. we cannot control what has happened to us or the stimulation which shakes us, but we can control our response. we can, will, and do, choose life. and as a collective body, i encourage myself and you, reader, to allow for reflection in regards to last night's violence in Las Vegas. it's a brutal world and reality we live in, and i hope we spread love not just today, but always.
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